Donate to SxSW Cares

UPDATE: There's been a fourth casualty. An 18-year-old named De’Andre Tatum passed away on March 27. He joins victims Steven Craenmehr (35), Jamie Ranae West (27) and Jamie Ranae West (26).

The four senseless deaths that occurred at South by Southwest this year hit me harder than even the Harlem building collapse that happened so much closer to home. All I kept thinking was, "it could have been me or any of my friends."

Now, the people behind SxSW have set up a charity portal where folks can help the remaining 22 victims who were hurt with their medical bills and more. I urge you all to join me in making a donation here, at SxSWCares.com

In Defense of South by Southwest

We're in the throes of South by Southwest season and surely if you're in some way a music or media fan (or check social media even occasionally), reports about it are pretty hard to ignore. And in more recent years, people have actively started to make an armchair sport of mocking how overblown and commercial SxSW has become.

Yes, it IS incredibly commercial. I roll my eyes every time I read an insane announcement about how the iTunes Festival is setting up shop and bringing Coldplay and Pitbull. It totally tickles me to think about Lady Gaga playing the Doritos stage, which in past years has been modeled to look like a giant vending machine. And please believe I'd pay to have access to a Judge stage-dive cam for their throwdown for Converse.

But you know what? I'd still go back in a second if it fit into my schedule. My experience with the Austin-based culture extravaganza extends only to attending the music portion several times over. I've never really done the tech or movie parts (despite having access) because of time constraints and to spare the health of my liver and kidneys.

Here's the thing, though: in all my many years of going, I've never had a bad time. Whatever type of music you're a fan of, you'll likely find it. There are literally thousands of artists that descend upon the city for your entertainment. And you have the nerve to complain that these acts are picking up some corporate exposure along the way?

Sure, my experience is biased as a member of the press. I've never had to load in or find parking around closed streets flooded with jaded day-drunks. (FYI: I'm saving all my intoxication, band and make-out stories for the inevitable book.) But are you seriously willing to tell me that hanging outside in (usually) warm weather, drinking a free beer while watching an endless array of bands is a BAD thing? Buddy, you've got problems.

So after reading and hearing so much dumb smack-talk over the last few years, I present my reasons of why you should stop complaining about SxSW.

In Defense of SxSW in Five Gripes:

Ooh, SxSW is So Lame! When Have I Gone? Never
Those who actively denounce SxSW but have never attended can just step over to the left and STFU. It comes off petty. All that shit-talk sounds like embitterment because you've never been connected, adventurous or intrepid enough to make your way in. Hell, even without any kind of pass, bracelet, credential or guest list, ANYONE can catch free music, eat (good) free food and drink free beer if you resolve to get in the thick of it and show up in Austin.

Not Liking SxSW is Kind of Un-American
Think about the tenets this country and the Peoples Republic of Texas are founded on: loud music, ever-flowing beer, cool breezes and seared meat. Guess what? That's pretty much what you're in for at SxSW. And since Austin is home to Whole Foods, chances are there will be a veggie option. You're going to tell me that this is a TERRIBLE proposition? Time to move to Canada and attend NxNE instead.

There's No Discovery Because People Are Busy Watching A-List Acts
Sure, your editor might expect you to cover the huge marquee performance, and that might conflict with the set time of the new band you're dying to check out. Luckily, said unknown band probably has five gigs at SxSW, so you can do BOTH. Or if you're not obsessed with being the humble-bragger, pick a lesser marquee act that you've always wanted to see but haven't. A few years back when Metallica was headlining Stubb's, I decided to go check out Devo for the first time and my mind was blown. Then I probably went off to see some metal band stomp all over Emo's.

There are literally opportunities to see music each day from noon until 4am - day party to after party - the great alpha and omega of South by Southwest. Even without trying hard, I've probably caught 35-50 acts per trip, with plenty of eating and schmoozing in between. Remember the time there was a Profound Lore showcase, followed by a jaunt to see Panic! At the Disco before grabbing a Sausage King dog and hopping in a pedi-cab to see Eyehategod and Pentagram play a huge field? I fuckin' do. That was also the same day I caught The Kills and Havok back to back. Yes, folks, you CAN see it all.

It's Way Too Commerical
In a one-block radius, I once scored Mountain Dew sunglasses, a remarkably soft Rolling Stone T-shirt to sleep in and a much-needed chicken burrito from a truck with Danny Trejo's visage and the Shady Records logo painted on it. Why? Why the hell not!? It was there and marketing is everything. Might as well suck on that teet and save your food money for drugs and bartender tips.

SxSW is Too Impersonal
Ooh, I can't get into this panel and see my favorite NPR commentator or the kid I know from Twitter.... I'm gonna call bullshit right here. Since Austin is smack-dab in the middle of the country, people from LA and NY (and all those other places in between, even from across the world) attend, making it a wonderful place to rub elbows with tastemakers, potential employers and the dorks you had flame-wars with in the Geocities days.

Still not convinced? Not much more I'm willing to say. But at least do yourself a favor and live through SxSW once before shrugging it off. As Albert Einstein put it, "The only source of knowledge is experience."

Zena T

PS: Want to see who've I've seen? Some SxSW galleries HERE and HERE.

The only source of knowledge is experience.

Albert Einstein

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_experience.html#OZAeolY4KRZi5v1V.

RIP Emo's Outside... The Beginning of the End

The Melvins @ Emo's Outside, 11/17/06. Photo by Mikey Brick

Even though it's roughly 1,500 miles away from New York City, Austin's Emo's club has always felt like a second home. Located on Sixth Street and Red River, the music venue has been the linchpin of the downtown scene since 1992, with a large outdoor space (replete with smoke-friendly bleachers) connected to a smaller indoor club via spacious outdoor drinking area, known for its diverse nightly bookings and psychedelic pop art decor. Everyone important—and not so important—has played Emo's. I've forgotten seeing more bands there than I can probably remember, but one particularly epic Melvins show a few years back serves as my favorite.

And now, after catching dozens of shows there, hosting several HIGH TIMES parties, drinking countless Shiners, and two bartender make-out buddies, Emo's on Red River is slowly closing down. This past Saturday, a show by Death From Above 1979 marked the outside stage's last concert. Though the inside space will remain open a little while longer, it too will shut down and the Emo's operation will relocate to Emo's East on East Riverside Drive, which I'm told is the same space once occupied by the Back Room (true story - I once saw Yngwie Malmsteen play there during SxSW).

Downtown won't be the same. I'm bummed, y'all.

When I Die...

...They're gonna have to spread my ashes on Red River between Sixth and Seventh Streets in Austin.

The SxSW recap is coming. Promise.

Outside Emo's | Photo by Tim Griffen; stolen from BrooklynVegan.com

SxSW +1

The inevitable happened. I fell behind on posting to fit in some much-needed sleep between seeing shows and having a week-long slumber party with some of my favorite ladies on Earth. And, because the High Times Doobie Awards fall on a Sunday this year, there's a built-in bonus day of Shiners at noon and loud bands all day.

If you're in Austin, get your asses down to Emo's this afternoon for a lineup featuring Blower, Valient Thorr, Suplecs, Honky, and the Smokers Club featuring Curren$y. There will also be a special award presented in Dimebag Darrell's honor, with appearances by Pantera/Down's Rex Brown and Dime's widow, Rita Haney.

Otherwise, the last two days have been a glorious blur of live music, endless free booze and even free tacos courtesy of Danny Trejo's Machete and Shady Records. I caught far flung acts like the Kills at Spin's party, Ringworm presented by Brooklyn Vegan at Lovejoys, suffered through Crowbar to ensure seeing St. Vitus at Dirty Dog, plus the solid Profound Lore showcase, Metal Sucks' South by South Death show and a few guilty pleasures in between.

A more in-depth write-up coming soon, gotta get ready for my last day on the town. More pics added here.

SxSW - Day 2

One of the most annoying that can happen after carefully planning out your daily band-seeing strategy at SxSW is a time change. Especially if you're not in the vicinity of a venue AFTER you've heard an act you really want to see is going on almost an hour early, and you're still headed downtown. Just such a thing happened yesterday when organizers of Full Metal Texas (an otherwise spectacular show, btw) when buzz-band Kvelertak were onstage a full hour earlier than expected.

What does one do in Austin when your plans go awry? Eat BBQ, of course. So Diane and I chose to head to our traditional meal at Iron Works in lieu of seeing Hull, knowing they'd be at the Ale House for The End's evening showcase. And since it's SxSW, we ran into both Dax Riggs and a dude from Valient Thorr on our way to eat, then sat next to members of Duff McCagan's Loaded while we ate. (Incidentally, tonight Loaded open for Filter at the Austin Music Hall, lolz!)

But once we got back into the action, it was incredible, because we saw YOB. The rarely-touring doom/stoner/awesome band put on an incredible 40-minute long, four-song set. So intense for their first trip to Austin in over five years.

YOB

From there, we took a detour to South Austin's Obsolete Industries to see the unofficial Amphetamine Reptile showcase featuring the reunion of Hammerhead. In theory, an excellent idea. But the actual setup was a bit off-putting. The band performed in the studio's print shop, while the audience was relegated to the space's gallery - essentially forcing the audience to watch the band through a glass wall and hear them through a single amp placed there for convenience. Glad I was there, but I was even more happy to head back to the fray of Red River.

Hammerhead behind glass

Once there, the first place to hit was the Ale House for Hull, who put on an intense set that flourished with an extended version of "Viking Funeral." Since the goth venue Prague was only a few blocks away, we headed over to finally see Kvelertak. Were they worth the hype? Sure. Taking their cues from Death 'n Roll-era Entombed and adding their own guitar-hook laden garage-y influences, the Norwegians put on a high-energy set that got a little dangerous at points. I definitely got off easy by only getting conked on the head with the mic.

Kvelertak

After that, I went over to catch Agalloch and YOB only to find out that Suplecs were headlining in the next room, and that Weedeater's Dixie Dave would soon be joining them onstage—which he did—but only to do some bizarre scat-growl singing. Finally, YOB blew the night away as the best of the night.

More music to see now. More pics here.

SxSW - Day 1 Down

Let's just call them the dirty dozen... the first 12 bands I saw at this year's South by Southwest, that is. The first day, as always, was a study in controlled chaos, with badge acquisitions, cell phone service checks (Hey Verizon, if the incredible iPhone service keeps up, I might name a child after you) and meet-ups to check in to.

And then there's the inevitable Brooklyn Vegan showcase to see. Naturally, I gravitated towards the dark indoor stage where a string of ear-maligning metal bands — and Dax Riggs — performed.

The first band I saw this year were Italy's The Secret, who pummeled the crowd with their tight metalcore set. All the band members were pretty intense, but I loved that you could hear the guitarist's admiration for the first two Machine Head records in his sound. Check them out when they hit NY (or a town near you!).

Up next were KEN Mode, who, for a three-piece, managed to create a much deeper Converge-meets-Today is the Day Sound.

Then there was my beloved Dax Riggs — who I may have stalked momentarily while sampling various Sparks flavors — who ripped through a compact set of "I Hear Satan," "Wall of Death," and "Stop, I'm Already Dead." Cannot wait to see him again in NYC.

After Dax, I went over to pick my badge (missing Trash Talk), but managed to get back to see a triumphant-sound Kylesa, a couple of Surfer Blood songs and suffered through a touch of Peelander Z for a buddy who loves them. And there was a Neal Pollack hazy siesta courtesy of my dear local friend Melissa, which inevitably led us to our first night show....

...Have you ever heard of the Skatenigs? You really shouldn't have. They were a local, half-jokey early '90s act that specialized in power riffs and cheeky social commentary. Think of them as the Southern Scatterbrain. In other words, if you knew them then, you might have found this set interesting and nostalgic. But if you're like me, you found it rudimentary and boring. Seriously, their material has not aged well. And guess what? THEY'RE RECORDING A NEW ALBUM. Just what the world needs.

After that, I checked out Off!, who were really good once Keith Morris espoused the "More Rock, Less Talk" ethos and tore through an incredible set before the Bad Brains hit the outdoor stage. Sure, it was cool to see the legends live — and the set list was a good one — but it sounded like it was being played at half speed. That said, I took the opportunity to see Easy Action, who epitomize the kind of greasy, gritty sexy hard rock that would be ideal for a Robert Rodriguez soundtrack (or some rough fucking). Guys, work on your marketing. Everyone needs to know who you are, and there's only so much I can do.

From there, I decided to seek out Brooklyn's own A Place to Bury Strangers. The perfect marriage between Joy Division and My Bloody Valentine, their Exploding Head record has been a staple for months now. But I had the nagging feeling that they would suck live, not being able to pull off their textured sound without additional studio tracking. But after hearing two respected folks compare them to MBV, I had to be there. Arriving at the gargoyle-embellished goth club, Prague, I wasn't so sure. But APTBS managed to set off an intense, though slightly murky set. And yes, it was super noisy, which made for lots of hipsters covering their ears. Amateurs.

Almost appropriately, my last band of the night was Austin's own Okkervil River. At that point, my dogs were barking and I just found a seat in the back. With tons of musicians onstage and a preview of their forthcoming album, the locals made for the perfect happy-sounding, folky pop nightcap.

That's all for now. More pics here. Today: more meat and Full Metal Texas.

Five Things I'm Stoked About For SxSW

1. Metal
With no less that FOUR showcases masterminded by Brooklyn Vegan's Black Bubblegum and 1000 Knives, plus the Converse/Thrasher parties at the Scoot Inn, Full Metal Texas and Metal Sucks' South by South Death affair (and that's not including actual label showcases), it'll be pretty hard to ignore all the glorious blast beats and feedback coming at you. I look forward to seeing bands like Kvelertak, Off!, Arson Anthem, Easy Action, the Body, YOB, and Hull. And if Agalloch get to squeeze in more than two songs, I'll be impressed.

There are definitely some non-metal attractions, too: Yuck, Okkervil River (don't front), A Place to Bury Strangers, Dax Riggs, the Kills, Wu-Tang Clan, Duran Duran and Queens of the Stone Age.

2. Bro Hang
So many metal bros, so little Shiner Bock... I'm really looking forward to sunny, 85-degree days with my dudes from Metal Sucks, Metal Injection, Metal Insider and friends from Metal Blade, Relapse, Prosthetic, plus bands like Red Fang, Eyehategod and the Sword. (No shit: I'm meeting up with someone who currently lives three stops from my apt, yet the last time we hung was at ATP NY.)

Metal Suckers

3. Bra Hang
I also get to stay with my bff4eva Merilee 666 and watch her play with her band, Blower at the High Times Party @ Emo's on Sunday night. Stoked. If that weren't cool enough, my partner in crime and hearing loss on this trip will once again be WFMU's Diane Kamikaze (also, administrator of our legendary 666 tats). Plus, the fabulous Samantha Marble and Kim Kelly will be there. Hella stoked.

Ms. 666

4. Meat
I'm fairly sure that a vegetarian plate in Texas generally means "chicken." Brisket, ribs, sausage... oh my!

5. Keep Austin Weed
I'm covering it semi-formally for High Times, so hit their site to check out daily updates. Doooo it.

SxSW '09: The Sights and Sounds, Pt. II

Here are some snapshots of notable shows I saw last week... For the full set, click here.

The Bronx at the Brooklyn Vegan Party / Emo's


Mariachi El Bronx / Red 7 Patio




Kylesa at Full Metal Texas / Emo's Annex


Hull at The End Showcase / Ale House




Earthless with J Mascis/ Habana Calle 6



Year Long Disaster / Red 7




Tricky/ Austin Music Hall




Devo / Austin Music Hall


Gallows/ Latitude 30


Blower at the HIGH TIMES Doobie Awards / Red 7


Mario/Earthless at the HIGH TIMES Doobie Awards / Red 7


Triple 6 Reunion at the HIGH TIMES Doobie Awards / Red 7


Bang Camaro / Beauty Bar


Priestess at the HIGH TIMES Doobie Awards / Red 7


Explosions In The Sky / Auditorium Shores


PJ Harvey & John Parish / Stubb's

SxSW '09: The Sights and Sounds, Pt. I

I'm slowly getting my hearing back and remembering what it's like to fall asleep without a beer buzz. South by Southwest '09 is officially over. And though some memories remain a little fuzzy, I've jotted down a couple of highlights from those warm days past in Austin.


Kravitz/FilmMagic/rollingstone.com


After a recount, I can confirm that I caught 38 bands' sets in four days; a breakdown can be found below. Metallica, however, was not among them. Going into SxSW, haters (myself included) speculated that their set would only last 20 minutes and retweeted rumors that their intimate Friday night performance at Stubb's would be impossible to get into. But much to everyone's delight, the lines weren't that hellish—and more importantly, the band went old school. The well-oiled machine played for almost 90 minutes and even threw the vintage cover "Breadfan" into their encore.

Do I wish I tried to get in rather than deciding to see Tricky and Devo at the Austin Music Hall (halfway across downtown) instead? Sure. Maybe I'll check Metallica out when they play MSG in the fall, but I still don't think I could ever absolve them of their sins against metal.

Am I glad I kept my SxSW tradition of seeing acts I'd never normally check out otherwise? Of course. Devo were really interesting to watch, especially considering the only songs of theirs I knew going in were "The Girl You Want" and "Whip It." I kept thinking about how avant garde they seemed—more than 20 years after they came out.

Devo
Overall, this year's SxSW didn't include the most top-shelf lineup I've ever seen, nor did it provide me with any transcendent musical experiences. Still, it was great seeing so many artists I like and people I know in one warm, sunny place that smells of BBQ and Lone Stars. It seems that there's no such thing as having a bad time in Austin, so I'm pretty certain I'll be back next year.


Wednesday
Brooklyn Vegan Party:
1. Young Widows - The tightest I've seen them yet. Can't wait to check them out next week at Europa.
2. The Bronx - Great set as always.
Evening Showcases:
3. Worst.Band.Ever - I seriously don't remember the name of this band because I blocked them out, but c'mon, a Flying V and a horn section do not belong in the same band with a mousy chick on a keyboard. Ever. Done.
4. Mariachi El Bronx - Though I don't think I'd hire them for my quinceanera, the Bronx's Mexican outlet was fun to watch. And all the songs were still about blow.
5. Blower - If you like Detroit rock and have an appreciation for platform boots, Blower is the band for you.
6. Arabrot - Recommended to me by Diane Kamikaze, these Norwegians would have been far more enjoyable if they kept their shirts on.
7. Iron Age - Part of a TXHC show at Red 7, these locals were truly throwback crossover. D.R.I. would be proud.


Thursday
Quack! Media Party
1. Dios Malo - Nothing like some local shoe-gazers to start off my morning. Thanks for the drink tickets, Al!
Magadee Records Party
2. Brothers and Sisters - Honestly, I couldn't tell you much about this acoustic country band because I was too focused on my Batter Blaster pancakes. Beer with breakfast? Why not.
Kerrang!/Guitar Hero Party
3. Rolo Tomossi - Screamo British invasion
Full Metal Texas
4. Kylesa - Fucking killed it.
5. Skeletonwitch - Old-school thrash + circle pits
Quack! Media
6. The Hold Steady - Great way to end my afternoon.
Evening Showcases:
7. Hull - Neurosis-influenced Brooklyn heshers
8. Dead Confederate - Southern gothic rock at its finest.
9. Ancestors - Tee Pee's latest droning stoners.
10. Chairlift - Inspired pop from Canada
11. Annihilation Time - Frenetic, explosive and angry, these guys are the new Black Flag.
12. Freeway - Though the State Property mainstay stuck with mostly new Rhymesayers material, I almost had a heart attack when he busted out into "Roc the Mic." Is Beanie in jail?
13. Early Man- Neanderthal metal

Friday
Metal BBQ /AAM Party
1. Earthless with J Mascis - The greatest post-Iron Works gig ever. Let the meat coma commence.
Evening Showcases:
2. Year Long Disaster - It always makes me happy to see Rich Mullins in Austin.
3. Datarock - I'm fairly certain this is an Andy Samberg/Lonely Island joke.
4. Tricky - So boring, so disappointing.
5. Devo - Amazing video and live show, but I still haven't joined the cult.
6. Cursive - It was so hard to tear myself away from this intimate gig, but I'm glad I left, because...
7. Gallows - ...catching Gallows was the best decision I made all night. They blew me away, but thankfully didn't kick me in the face.

Saturday
HIGH TIMES Doobie Awards
1. Blower - Celebrating their one-year anniversary as a live band, it was fitting that Blower kicked things off.
2. Year Long Disaster - Played a totally different stoner-friendly set from the night before. Sweet.
3. Earthless - Fun as always, I can watch Mario play all day.
4. Black Water Rising - New York's contenders for the hard rock throne.
5. Bang Camaro - These guys were literally playing around the corner from HT's affair. How could I not show up? Glad I did.
6. Priestess - A great way to close out the Doobies.
Evening Showcases:
7. Explosions in the Sky - A mellow night at Auditorium Shores with a fireworks climax. Couldn't have asked for a better show.
8. PJ Harvey & John Parish - Glad I got to be in PJ's presence, even if it was for the last few songs of the set.
9. The Knux - Not as awesome as I thought they'd be.
10. Amplified Heat - Austin fuzz rockers brought out the local crowd.
11. Broken Teeth - Holy shit, Jason McMaster's new band (yeah, it's the guy from Dangerous Toys) was really good.

SxSW Recap

Before I head out to the airport to resume my life in brick-cold NYC, I wanted to share a quick breakdown of my recent Austin activities.

First off, the HIGH TIMES Doobie Awards were a triumphant success. All the bands who played—including Year Long Disaster, Blower, Graveyard BBQ, Black Water Rising, Earthless and Priestess—were absolutely fantastic. And some notable locals like Nick Oliveri, Kings X's Doug Pinnick and the Sword guys showed up to party (and in the latter's case, it was a chance to pick up the world's only award you can smoke out of).

The Sword Accepting Their Doobie Award

Bobby Black Joins Blower Onstage

In four days, I managed to watch 37 bands play and saw Earthless the most, at three shows. I lost track of how many beers I drank, but I'd say the ratio of freebies to actual drinks paid for was 4:1, easy. And then there were the Flaming Dr. Pepper shots. There are also almost 300 snapshots on Flickr commemorating the sights and sounds of SxSW, with more short videos to come.



I also ate sausage for four days straight, mostly of the smoked jalapeno and cheddar variety. C'mon, can you think of a better snack than that to watch Bang Camaro with? I did miss migas, but we'll see if I can do anything about that at the airport.

Bang Camaro

That said, I wanted to give a shout out to Bobby Black & everyone at HT, Merilee 666, Doug Didgit, Mel & Patrick, Diane Kamikaze, Vegas Price, Pot Star, Sonya, Aaron Bush and all my favorite locals for making the trip a fantastic one. See y'all next year!

SxSW: Day One

My ears are still ringing from last night.

Even though I didn't rage into the wee hours of the night on Wednesday, the first day of the SxSW's music festival, I still managed to put in a solid 12 hours of partying and loud music. Partying really is such hard work.

After scooping up my badge and getting a breakfast burger at my beloved Casino El Camino, I was off to the Brooklyn Vegan day party at Emo's (and no, that irony was not lost on me) to catch a spectacular lineup of Annihilation Time, Young Widows and The Bronx. Unfortunately—if that's even the proper term—I missed Annihilation Time as it conflicted with a previously scheduled smoke session. Oh well, they'll definitely be around this week for more shows. I did, however, made sure to catch the spectacular Young Widows who were absolutely awing with their tight AmRep-infuenced sound. They were followed by a sweaty set from The Bronx, who did not disappoint.

No matter how intense the Bronx's set, it definitely seemed like everyone couldn't wait to check out their alter ego faux band—Mariachi El Bronx. But art always seems to come at a price, so I had to suffer through one of the worst bands I've ever seen (seriously who mixes a keyboard, a horn section AND a Flying V?) to watch the mariachi explosion. Happily, Mariachi El Bronx were a fun to watch and not an utter riff on Mexican culture (that is, if you don't count the songs dedicated to registered sex offenders and the one track comparing the similarities between Jesus Christ and Pablo Escobar).

Though it seemed most of Austin was determined to catch Jesus Lizards' David Yow jam with The Dicks at Austin Music Hall, I met up with HT's Bobby Black and Pot Star to watch the most exciting rock n roll band in years—BLOWER! If you like Kiss or Turbonegro, there's absolutely no reason for you to miss them when they open the [HIGH TIMES Doobie Awards |http://www.myspace.com/htdoobieawards|CLICK HERE] on Saturday at Red 7.

From there, Diane Kamikaze of WFMU (my official partner in crime) and I bounced between a ton of clubs on Red River seeing everyone from Oslo's Arabrot to Texas' own Iron Age—a young hardcore band more reminiscent of old school crossover than anything suffixed with "-core."

From there, it was time for my last session of the night. After all, I've got to be at four parties today: Alternative Press', Quack! Media, Full Metal Texas and Maggadee Records—all before 5 pm.


Bands Seen: 7
Beers Consumed: 7
Beers Paid For: 2
Smoke Sessions: 3 1/2

Pray for Mojo.

SxSW Flashbacks

The first time I attended SxSW, the mega-music fest in Austin, TX, I was a 19-year-old intern at High Times and was flown down to produce a streetwear fashion show as part of the magazine's annual party. I had no idea what I was in store for. Between party planning, model fittings, self-medicated tangents enhanced by the dozens of bats circling the high-rise hotel party room—plus seeing acts like Clutch, Wesley Willis, Iggy Pop, Karma to Burn and Red Aunts—I was definitely not ready for the madness (not to mention the following week's Comparative Political Systems midterm I hadn't studied for).

Over the years, I've gotten the SxSW experience down to a science. Being familiar with the 6th Street clubs and knowing all the fun locals usually helps; and it's absolutely crucial to have a forcible partner in crime. Enter Merilee 666, aka Zombie Kitten. Together, our bitch powers exponentially strengthened and our ability to talk our way into—and, sometimes, out of—situations created a legacy and more than a few funny stories.

Granted, I've probably forgotten more crap that I've done at SxSW than I actually remember, which is sometimes for the best. But before my memory's shot for good, I wanted to count down my Tex-ass adventures. Some are goofy, a lot are medicament related, and then there were a few really f'd up things that happened—like Merilee jumping into traffic on the then-undeveloped South Congress Ave. and giving herself a concussion—that just didn't seem right fitting under "awesome." But since she's the one that reminded me of that day, fuck it, read about it under #5. And please, I know it's hard, but don't trip on all the names I dropped. (I may be an asshole, but at least I'm self-aware.)

Of course, I'll be doing it all again this year... and blogging/Tweeting about it. So before I get caught up in this year's whirlwind, here's my run-down of SxSW moments from years past:




1. Meeting Mastodon & Kicking Them Out - For a while there, Merilee and I toyed with the idea of starting a company called C.W.I. And though we could never get a good business plan going for it, we knew our core mission had something to do with tray wares and role reversal. Enter Mastodon's Brent Hinds, who was one of our earliest adapters. He, in turn, invited the rest of his great unwashed band to our hotel room for a demo—and the then-unknown act presumed that they'd be crashing with us that night. Not so. I kicked their asses out. The boys were not pleased... and over the next year, each of them took me aside and individually chewed me out for my bitchy behavior. Well deserved, I suppose, and thankfully we got past it way before they became poised to take over the rock world (when are those Vans coming out, Brann?).



2. Lemmy & The Yellow Rose - My good friend Wes has been following around Lemmy Kilmister for a documentary he's filming on the legend, and he didn't have to ask me twice to accompany them to one of Austin's premiere gentlemen's clubs, the Yellow Rose. To be honest, I was a little disappointed with the quality of dancers (then again, I'd been living in Atlanta, and it's sort of a huge point of pride there), but there was one showgirl who performed a trick involving her nipple and a lit match. I was intrigued and asked her to show me how she did it, which she did, demonstrating on me. I did it all for Lemmy.

3. Oh, Isaac Hanson - One of my favorite restaurants in Austin is the BBQ mecca, Iron Works. During our first visit there years ago, I discovered a giant Texas-shaped mirror in their womens bathroom and insisted Merilee see it as we left the restaurant. Once inside, we probably tapped a one-hitter to help settle dinner and giggled at the mirror, then stumbled out—right into the eldest of the Hanson brothers, Isaac. He looked at us, staring closely at Merilee's wild 10 lbs worth of dreadlocks (replete with quarter-machine prizes as ornaments), and nervously greeted us. Then, turning to Mer, said, "Your hair is very... cool. You're very brave."

"Right on," she responded casually, handing him an invite to the High Times party. Then, as we left the joint, Merilee turned to me and said in all seriousness: "time to shave my head."

4. Being Stalked By Shat's Jeff Wood - I wouldn't exactly say I was in any kind of danger, but considering my Psilocybin-enhanced demeanor, I was in no mood to entertain date requests from a guy who followed me into a women's bathroom whilst wearing a tie that read, "I [Heart] Cunt." Still, there was something endearing about the Shat figurehead (maybe it's hit songs like "Cunt Flavored Lollipops" and "Vagetarian") that keeps him close to my heart. One day, Jeff. One day...



5. Merilee's First TX-Sized Concussion - After persuading Hank III & Assjack to perform at High Times' party (along with acts as varied as Keller Williams and Stephen Perkins), Merilee and I wound up inadvertently taking off on their bus as they made their way to their second gig of the night at Continental Club. At that point, HT's party was hosted at a venue specializing in making frozen drinks with Everclear and grain alcohol, so we were probably a little hammered when we decided to walk back to our hotel on the unpaved and elevated strip of South Congress that led back to the Embassy Suites. When we came to an impass, we had only one choice: to jump down six feet or so down to the traffic-heavy street. Merilee went first, and promptly made contact with the concrete using her head. Her eyes started rolling into the back of her head and we freaked out a little. Mel and I helped her back to our room, settled her in the bed and made sure Merilee stayed awake and ate some room service fries. As soon as she was feeling better, I went off to my next adventure of the night... getting cock-blocked by Jello Biafro (see below).

6. Cock-Blocked By Jello Biafra - Sure, he's a punk legend and all, but that motherfucker can talk. Especially when he's coked up. And adding more cause to speculation that he bats for both teams, I clearly caught him checking out both me and my date. Paying close attention to the detailing on my boy's custom leather pants, Jello announced that he would thereby refer to him as Shank Skullbutt. That's when I rolled my eyes and thought, "Jello Biafra get the fuck off the bus so I can make out with my boy." But he STILL didn't get it. Be warned, Jello Biafra is a furious cock blocker.



7. Yngwie Who? Yngwie Fucking Malmsteen! - It's kind of a trip thinking about how many different kinds of acts I've caught at SxSW over the years. Last year, my big bragging rights came after seeing the Clipse immediately after headbanging to Motorhead—all before 5 pm. But nothing was quite as trippy as seeing Yngwie Malmsteen at the gratefully dead Back Room (for a long time, all metal shows were relegated to this strip-mall rock joint). Malmsteen, in all his bloated, foundation-wearing glory rocking out. It would be years before he unleashed the fury, but at least we had that one night in Austin.

8. Smoking The Bible - Picture the scenario: A group of us throw our luggage down in our off-strip hotel room, we get our hands on some premium green... and there are no papers anywhere. Then someone (Rob? Derek? E?) remembered that Bibles were printed on rice paper, thereby making the blank sheets inside safe to smoke. It worked in a pinch, but it didn't spark that well. Am I going to Hell? Sure. At least I'll be with all the cool kids.



9. The Meaning Of 'Karma To Burn' - During my very first SxSW, I met (and damn-near adopted) an instrumental trio from Morgantown, WV named Karma to Burn. And in our many years of friendship, I have never met a group—led by charismatic snake-oil salesman Rich "Little Dickie" Mullins—so deservedly and ironically named. There have been a few years between now and that fateful meeting so long ago when I didn't know what they were up (but hoped for the best) and I'm glad we're all around today to laugh about it.

10. Getting Busted - As mentioned above, I was 19 when I first came to SxSW—just two years shy of legally drinking. So what was a girl to do? Get a fake I.D. Little did I know at the time that Texas was super strict about checking licenses, and not surprisingly, I got caught... in front of a bunch of music-biz execs. Thankfully, I still had my official badge and was let in after the legendary Harry Crossfield Jr. hooked me up.

What does this year have to offer? Bring it.