Thursday, April 30, 2009

Dating Don'ts: Don't Comment Bomb

Remember back in elementary school when boys expressed their affection by tormenting girls in the schoolyard? Well, I've found its modern day equivalent: comment bombing a chick's Facebook page.

What do I mean by “comment-bombing” in the first damn place? Simple: habitually leaving insipid, pointless non sequiturs—or those friggin’ thumbs-up approvals (that’s “Arrr, this be pleasin’ to me eye” in Pirate)—for almost any status update I make. The worst part? None of said comments are ever direct enough for one to determine if the guy actually likes you, is cyber-stalking, or simply has too much free time on his hands.

It’s long been known that I’m a very direct person—almost painfully blunt to a fault. This is probably why I’m equally baffled and annoyed by the comment bombing methodology. If you’re interested, ask me out. Send me a private message, even email seems more intimate than “liking” the fact that I had Thai food for lunch. It just seems so trite; and I have no time for that bullshit.

So here’s my advice to all of those guys guilty of this: Shit or get off the pot. Seriously. Girls like assertiveness and forthrightness, not comment-bombing bottom feeders. Be direct, ask the girl out, or stop before she’s so annoyed she blocks you altogether. Who knows? You might even get laid out of it.

And if you think I’m directing this at you, I probably am.


The Management

Friday, April 24, 2009

Kiehl's Recycles For Rewards

Among my non-metal addictions, my passion for beauty products knows no bounds. And though I make my rounds everywhere from Duane Reade to Henri Bendel to feed the beast, my own neighborhood Kiehl's store (the chain's original location) remains one of my favorites. So it pleased me to find out that at the tail end of Earth Week, Kiehl's announced their Recycle and Be Rewarded program.

Basically, if you save up your Kiehl's empty containers and bring them in to your local freestanding location (the program is not running through any of their department store counters nor online), you will be rewarded with free Kiehl's products in exchange. Three full empties will get you a free Lip Balm #1, five empties will get you a 2.5 oz. travel-size product, and 10 will get you a full-size product worth up to $25. That's like a Tea Tree Oil Body Wash or a bottle of their amazing French Rosewater to keep me fresh all summer.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Happy 420

Smoke 'em if you got 'em! And if you're in NYC, don't forget to check out HIGH TIMES' official party. More info available right HERE.

Karma To Burn Reunite

Karma To Burn

There are few bands more appropriately named than Karma To Burn. The (mostly) instrumental trio from Morgantown, WV garnered as much acclaim for their meaty riffs and take-no-prisoners performance style as they did for their drug-fueled offstage antics. Led by a charismatic bass-playing sociopath named Rich "Little Dickie" Mullins, there was no telling what kind of trouble you'd get into hanging out with them—nor the snake-charming schemes you'd be let in on. This was all around 1996; and after the new millennium came and went—as did Karma To Burns' four-album career—I lost track of the guys.

Oddly enough, while Karma To Burn remain an obscure footnote in the American "desert rock" genre, they really were fucking huge in Europe. How huge? Well, let's put it this way: their current American club tour is a mere warm-up for their overseas festival appearances.

As fate would have it, they're playing tonight (4/20!) at NYC's Lit bar. But since I'm living it up in Florida until tomorrow, my plan is to catch them next week at Philly's Trocadero. Who's coming with me?

For a full list of shows, check out Karma To Burns' Myspace page. I, for one, can't wait to see them again (and get a T-shirt for posterity this time around).

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Anvil! The Story of Anvil

Last night I went to a screening of the VH1 Classic-sponsored documentary, Anvil! The Story of Anvil. Based on the '80s-era Canadian metal band Anvil, who never quite made it financially—nor did they ever manage to secure any sort of legendary status amongst the metal masses—their hard-luck story was captured by long-time fan Sacha Gervasi (now a successful Hollywood screenwriter), who was first introduced to the group's core members of drummer Robb Reiner and singer/guitarist Steve "Lips" Kudlow [from left to right, above] as a 15-year-old fanboy.

It seemed that there were two kinds of people in attendance last night: those who'd merely heard of the band and vaguely remembered seeing ads for their records in Rip magazine (like me), or the full-blown frizzy-haired old-timers who could actually distinguish the nuances between Anvil's 13-album canon. Yet somehow, after watching the relatively short film (by comparison to, say, Some Kind of Monster) we all became fans of Anvil's story—a tale of dedication, perseverance and blind hope. And let's not forget their boundless love of heavy metal music.

Part Spinal Tap and part buddy comedy on par with anything the Waiting for Guffman ensemble could ever put together (seriously, Robb Reiner has that comedic blank expression down pat), Anvil! The Story of Anvil is both hilarious and hopelessly endearing.

As for Anvil's music? Well, at a time when "neo-thrash" is an actual term, it's hard to understand how bands like Black Tide can reside on a major label (or at least they were the last time I checked) and Anvil be fully shut out of even an indie deal. My suggestion: someone needs to put out a greatest hits retrospective—and, to paraphrase comedian/That Metal Show host Don Jamieson—some of the more famous folks in the documentary should put their money where their mouth is and take Anvil out on tour.

That said, check out a trailer for the film as well as my own crappy video of Anvil performing their seminal hit, "Metal on Metal," at the post-screening show. And go see Anvil! The Story of Anvil immediately.

And yes, Lips is playing slide guitar with a dildo in the clip.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Enough With The 80s Retro!

I probably would've thought White Wizzard were corny back when I was a 14-yr-old metal nerd.

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Mastodon + Comic Con = 2x Love

Here are two things I love separately, finally joined together courtesy of VBS.

Ugh, Hatebreed... Why?!!

Everyone knows that I'm a huge fan of good (or intentionally bad) cover songs. This is probably why hearing about Hatebreed's forthcoming covers album, For The Lions, wounded my soul just a little bit.

Sure, it's cool that Jamie Jasta (the Tony Robbins of metalcore) wears his influences on his sleeve, and he probably thinks he's doing bands like Judge, Black Flag, Negative Approach and D.R.I. a favor by increasing their awareness within Hatebreed's fan base of mouth-breathing mosh mongers. But he's really not. And seriously, just because they named themselves after the Misfits song doesn't mean they have to cover it.

After all, once a song goes through the Hatebreed monkey music grinder, it all pretty much sounds the same. I'm sure Metallica's "Escape" will sound just as br00tal as Sepultura's "Refuse/Resist," but not as good as Black Flag's "Thirsty & Miserable."

Want more proof that nothing good can come of For The Lions? Here is a teaser of Hatebreed butchering Slayer's "Ghosts of War." Oh, the monotone horror...