Thursday, April 30, 2009

Dating Don'ts: Don't Comment Bomb

Remember back in elementary school when boys expressed their affection by tormenting girls in the schoolyard? Well, I've found its modern day equivalent: comment bombing a chick's Facebook page.

What do I mean by “comment-bombing” in the first damn place? Simple: habitually leaving insipid, pointless non sequiturs—or those friggin’ thumbs-up approvals (that’s “Arrr, this be pleasin’ to me eye” in Pirate)—for almost any status update I make. The worst part? None of said comments are ever direct enough for one to determine if the guy actually likes you, is cyber-stalking, or simply has too much free time on his hands.

It’s long been known that I’m a very direct person—almost painfully blunt to a fault. This is probably why I’m equally baffled and annoyed by the comment bombing methodology. If you’re interested, ask me out. Send me a private message, even email seems more intimate than “liking” the fact that I had Thai food for lunch. It just seems so trite; and I have no time for that bullshit.

So here’s my advice to all of those guys guilty of this: Shit or get off the pot. Seriously. Girls like assertiveness and forthrightness, not comment-bombing bottom feeders. Be direct, ask the girl out, or stop before she’s so annoyed she blocks you altogether. Who knows? You might even get laid out of it.

And if you think I’m directing this at you, I probably am.


The Management


Anonymous said...

I don't, in fact, believe you're talking about me, but let me clarify something about more sensitive guys: when we genuinely like/lust someone, we are PETRIFIED of exposing our vulnerability by expressing it, for fear of rejection. Furthermore, we're well aware that fear and lack of overt confidence are not alluring to most girls, which only heightens the fear. And when we're interested in someone as awesome as you, if we're already friends and you don't feel likewise, then we have shat the bed of even a platonic relationship. This happened to me not long ago and it is EXCEEDINGLY UNPLEASANT. You start the day hoping for true love and end it down one friend, sometimes more if that friend takes mutual ones with her.

So please forgive those of us who can't just come out and say, "Zena, you are an amazing, beautiful person whose company I always enjoy and who I feel lucky to know; I want to spend more time with you alone, and I want to make you cum so hard and often your neighbors put the police on speed dial." You are too precious to us to allow our selfish schoolboy crushes to risk losing.

Zena Metal said...

Thank you for chiming in with the male perspective on this; I always appreciate it.

And no, it wasn't about you.

To address your point, though, if guys keep behaving this way, what are the odds they'll ever actually hook up with the girls they like? Vicious cycle, indeed.

I'm sorry it didn't work out in your particular case, but if a girl leaves enough open avenues (say, asking online if anyone wants to be a plus one for an event) and all she gets back is a dumb wisecrack, its the guy's fault for not stepping up.

Also, if someone dropped that last line on me, I'd be very tempted to take them up on it. ;)

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