Five Not-So-Metal Holiday Gifts

Like it or not, we're surrounded by the holidays. Beyond the insipid music and under-tipping anxiety, there's also the bombardment of ads for all forms of shlocky gifts. We're not even safe from the metal bands we know and love. Here's proof.

Slayer Christmas Ornament

One can only imagine that any tr00 fan would smash this ornament in half and carve Slayer's name into their forearm. Almost as good as the Human Centipede Christmas ornament.

High on Fire Hot Sauce

 So this is what Matt Pike has been putting in that belly of his. Get your bottle right here.

Mastodon Remission Switchblade Comb

No doubt inspired by the beardos of Atlanta, this classy comb was surely meant as a stocking stuffer for their fine facial hair. Bonus: there's also a "Hail Santa" T-shirt. #srsly

Metallica Sweat Socks

Perfect for sweating to the oldies. And they'd look smashing with some coordinating ...And Justice For All lounge pants.

Merry. Effing. Christmas.