Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Hunger

Like PJ Harvey sang on "Maniac," I need a man. It's getting bad, too. I think I realized things were getting desperate when I dubbed the now-familiar Hare Krishna guy I constantly see at the Union Sq. station, "the cute one." I might've actually blown him a kiss the other day. There he was, passively trying to sell books on karma and vegetarian living, all the while getting sadly shown up by those damn Scientologists and their bullshit free stress tests.

Then there are those times I catch myself browsing at craigslist's "Casual Encounters" section. Though I don't think I could ever go through with meeting a total stranger for the express purpose of extracting orgasm, it's nice to catalog shop through the various peen photos. Incidentally, I think all social-networking sites should adapt this policy of showing dudes' cocks because there are few things more frustrating than groping some guy's package on a third date only to realize the situation down below is shrimpy at best.

How did it get to this point? Good question. Besides the fact that grieving, unemployment and moving probably aren't aphrodisiacs, I am one picky motherfucker. And I scare boys easily. I guess I can't do shit about the latter. Hell, even Candace Bushnell wound up marrying a goddamn ballet dancer. Seriously, I can't hide my ability to out-curse, out-reference obscure metal bands and outnumber the amount of vintage Voltron sets the average Joe Six-Pack owns (and for the record, I own three complete Voltrons, including one that came with mini action figures of all five pilots). All at my own detriment.

So what's a girl to do? Fuck, if I knew, I'd probably be getting some sexy time right now instead of staring at html on a laptop screen. Got suggestions? Holler... Or send pics.


Chelsea said...

Girl, I FEEL you!

When I come to town, you can check out the guy I was trying to see for a bit. He doesn't want a g/f, but LOVES LOVES LOVES the womenfolk.

Wait til I leave, if you want to pounce, though... My ego is still bruised from his rejection.

Suffer27 said...

Cmon, I know you ae better than that.
And you always have my number.

Anonymous said...

You're mad crazy stupid fine! You should be beating them off of you!
I advise okcupid.com I know it may be corny to suggest a dating site, but i swear to god, it works. I met my future wife on that site. Make a good profile, add some good pics and wait for them to email. Seriously.

KYDS3K said...


i've been trying to get some of my single friends to try it out for MONTHS . . .

i'll be up there in November, we should hang out. i has some friends up there that you should meet ;-)

David.RCCL said...

go on a cruise

Anonymous said...

OKCupid & CrazyBlindDate are one and the same, and both are ineffectual, at least for the menfolk.

There are people who love you AND want to make crazy bouncy-bouncy with you, who you know well, and who you don't even suspect, myself included.